Nino Memorial III

Sunday, May 26, 2002
Las Vegas, NV

"Only The Best Wear Tartan"









Third Annual Nino Memorial

From L-R (Plumber, Jamal, Frenchy, Smailz, Denmark, Traubio, Nino, Dusty, Schweizer)Sunday, May 26, 2002 at Black Mountain Las Vegas, Nevada.

This is Ken Venturi, and I'm reporting live from AJ Abram's hotel bathroom. Jesus Christ, is this shit good; but I digress.

On Memorial Day Weekend 2002, this country witnessed the finest display of golf in amateur history. Though the outcome was seemingly predetermined, those who traveled the road to the championship will reflect upon the weekend for years to come.

The teams were as follows: Nino and Mike "I love NYC" Traub(io) (76) paired with Pankowitz and Dr. Smailz (95); and in the leading five-some, Denmark and Dusty (89) squared off against Adam "I love 8th grade chicks" Schweizer and AJ (100), accompanied by the dark horse rookie, Plumber (189). As reflected in the scores, Nino and Traubio had no competition. But that's the way the rest of the competitors wanted it. I mean, really, would you want to wear Mike Traub's clothing? Absent from the field, was Jake "the snake" Lampert (contracted undisclosed rash while in contact with individuals from THE GIRLS OF GLITTER GULCH).

Unfortunately, as with most modern sporting events, poor sportsmanship was rampant. Repeatedly, Group 2's Eric Pankowski could not refrain from the erratic, and frequently dangerous, tossing of the 5-iron. Warned two times, he was finally ejected from the clubhouse following his disgust at the receipt of Nino's lackluster consolation prize. Witnesses Saturday reported similar behavior at Circus-Circus' mini-golf venue. Although unconfirmed, nearby indigent Mexicans reported post-traumatic shock following the sight of a pin from the 14th hole flying and then landing in their proximity. No other injuries were reported.

2002 Champions: Traub and NinoOn a more positive note, Andy Salsman, the lone rookie, put on an impressive showing. On the par-3, 12th hole at the lovely Blackmountain resort course, the greenhorn narrowly missed a putt for birdie that was subsequently tapped in for par. He is currently the odds-on-favorite to be part of the winning squad in 2003.

Finally, although this past week was my final PGA event, the true memories that remain in my fading life will find their source in the event today known as the Nino Memorial. No event comes close in so much as class and superiority are concerned. So with this, I bid adieu.



1st Place (76)
Jaeson Becker
Mike Traub
Winner of Nino Memorials I, II, III, VIII (2000-2002, 2007)
Winner of Nino Memorials I, II, III (2000-2002)
Height: 5'10.5
Weight: 150lbs
Finishing move:
The people's elbow
Height: 5'9
Weight: 145lbs
Finishing move:
The pile Driver

2nd Place (89)
Dave Hoffman
Aaron Vickar
Winner of Nino Memorials IV, V, VIII (2003-2004, 2007)
Winner of Nino Memorial VIII (2007)
Height: 6'
Weight: 160lbs
Finishing move:
The Diamond Cutter
Height: 6'3
Weight: 190lbs
Finishing move:
Stone Cold Stunner

3rd Place (95)
Eric Pankowski
Jeff Small
Height: 6'
Weight: 160lbs
Finishing move:
The Spear
Height: 5'5
Weight: 175lbs
Finishing move:
The Leg Drop

4th Place (100)
Adam Schweizer
A.J. Abrams
Height: 5'6
Weight: 150lbs
Finishing move:
The Figure Four
Height: 5'6
Weight: 170lbs
Finishing move:
The Spinneroonie

Special Mention
Andy Salsman
Jake Lampert
(Didn't Play For Title)
(Didn't Play At All)
Height: 5'11
Weight: 175lbs
Finishing move:
The Camel Clutch
Height: 5'7
Weight: 175lbs
Finishing move:
The SuperFly


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NMXIV 2013







Nino Memorial III Preview

The Nino Memorial has been a tradition in this league since 2000.  This year's Nino Memorial was held at Treasure Island in Las Vegas, Nevada.  The Nino Memorial is opened to members of Nino's Fantasy Golf League as well as those that are interested in joining the league the following year.  For some background information on prior Nino Memorials, please click on this.

I must confess, this year's Nino Memorial was the best by far. I know it can never be duplicated again. Stay tuned for information about NMIV!!!

Appearances By:


A.J. "Jamal" Abrams


Jaeson "Nino" Becker


Dave "Dusty" Hoffman

4 Jake "Snake" Lampert


Eric "Frenchy" Pankowski


Andy "Plumber" Salsman


Adam "The Dentist" Schweizer


Jeff "Smailz" Small


Michael "Traubio" Traub


Aaron "Denmark" Vickar

Below was the tentative itinerary for NMIII.

Friday (May 24, 2002)
Check in to Treasure Island (Treasure Bath).
15.00x: Rendezvous in front of Horseshoe at Binions.

15.30x: Optional Afternoon Program

Option 1: Dirt Cheap gambling at Golden Nugget.
Option 2: Dirt Cheap gambling at Binions.
Option 3: Spectate the World Series Of Poker!!!
20.00x: Fremont Street Experience.
Rendezvous in front of Horseshoe at Binions.
20.30x: Dinner at The Buffet at Golden Nugget.
21.30x: Free Time.
23.00x: Girls of Glitter Gulch.
01.30x: Treasure Island
02.00x: Free Time.
03.00x: Penthouse Forum readings by Dusty.
03.30x: Lights Out.
04:15x: Hot Water Trick to Luger.


Saturday (May 25, 2002)
07.00x: Optional jog and workout with Coach Dusty.
09.00x: Optional Breakfast in Dusty's Room.
10.00x: Relax by the Pool.
10.30x: Impromptu Gutz Game.
11.00x: Lunch.
12.15x: Van Leaves for Circus Circus.
12.30x: Putt-Putt Tournament.
14.00x: Van Leaves for Optional Exploration Voyage.
Option 1: Free Time.
Option 2: Hoover Dam.
Option 3: Liberace Museum.
Option 4: Star Trek Expo at Las Vegas Hilton.
19.30x: Van Leaves for Dinner at The Rio.
20.00x: Dinner at Rio's World Buffet (Ranked #1).
21.00x: Voodoo Lounge.
22.00x: Booty Time at Hard Rock Hotel.
01.00x: Gentlemen's Club.
04.00x: Ghost Stories told by Dusty.
05.00x: Lights Out.
05.15x: Ben Gay preparations for Dusty's jock.


Sunday (May 26, 2002)
  07.15x: Optional Breakfast with Dusty.
  08.00x: Wake Up.
  08:45x: Rendezvous for NMIII.
10.00x: The Nino Memorial.
  17.15x: Van Leaves for Mandalay Bay.
  17.30x: Leave van and walk to Excalibur.
  18.00x: Final Banquet $39.95.
  20.15x: Walk back to Mandalay Bay.
  20.30x: Drinks at Red Square.
  21.00x: Optional Mandalay Bay Exploration.
  Option 1: Drinks at Red Square.
  Option 2: Drinks at Aureole.
  Option 3: Drinks at House of Blues.
  21.15x: Rendezvous at Red Square.
  21.30x: Van Leaves for free shows.
  22.00x: The Fountains of Bellagio.
  22.30x: The Volcano at The Mirage.
  23.15x: Rendezvous at "The Plank".
  23.30x: Hispaniola vs H.M.S. Britanniar.

00.00x: Mandatory Camp Fire and Song Session at
The Sports Book in Treasure Island (To say your good-byes).

  00.30x: Free Time.
  03.00x: Lights Out.
  03.30x: Duct Tape Luger to his bed.
  04.00x: Ditch Luger's bed in the Lobby.
2000 - 2002 Champions



Monday (May 27, 2002)
09.30x: Optional Breakfast with Dusty.
10.30x: Wake Up.
11.30x: Checkout.
12.00x: Free Time/McCarran International Airport.

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The Nino Memorial
Founded on May 29, 2000

"Only The Best Wear Tartan"