Nino Memorial XIX

Saturday, August 29, 2020
Maryland Heights, MO

"Only The Best Wear Tartan"

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Nineteenth Nino Memorial

From L-R (Eagleglass, Toolman, Lucas, Andy, Nino)Saturday, August 29, 2020 at The Quarry at Crystal Springs Golf Course Maryland Heights, Missouri

Yet another Nino Memorial is in the books, and Nino is still with us. Go figure. The 2020 pandemic-affected event was held in the Missouri River Bottoms at the stunning Quarry at Crystal Springs golf course. Despite various planning challenges brought on by both the virus and Judge Toolman's classic scheduling snafus, this was the second most well-attended event since Dusty's first (or was it his second?) bachelor party at the Club of Wentzville. Sixteen (16) competitors were originally scheduled to golf in the 19th annual event, but fifteen (15) ultimately attended after Andy "Don't Call Me Shirley" Spector dropped out, unannounced, on the morning of the event. He has still not been heard from as of the submission of this piece to the editor. As a result, Eric Swillinger, Scott "Maynard" Chelist, and Jaeson "Nino" Becker joined together to make a three-some. As Swilly is very much into threesomes, everything worked out quite nicely for all concerned parties.

The victors of this year's scramble were Aaron "Denmark" Vickar and Dr. Matt "does your back hurt" Berman who skated to the title with a score of six (6) over par. This was one of the worst winning scores in NM history, which is a testament to the challenging nature of the course. It should be noted that Denmark is now the oldest champion in NM history. Tim Spiegelglass was happy to cede said record.

Second place was a tie between two squads. Team Chef Goyardi, comprised of Jon "Jonboy" Hoffman and Dane "Eskimo Bro" Kearns shot a +9, along with Team Threesome. A disappointing third place (+10) was logged by Tim "Eagleglass" Spiegelglass and Dave "Dusty" Hoffman. After Hoffman was shifted from the Zoeller to Trevino flight due to the substitute appearance by Brian Oberman, Spiegelglass thought he had another championship in the bag. However, he was sorely mistaken as Hoffman lived up to his history as the worst Hoffman-family golfer in the St. Louis metro area. Tied for third was the team of Bryan "You Can't Handle the Truth!" Sanger and Phil "CHiP" Ruben. CHiP had been hoping to finish higher than third place in his lackluster tournament career. Perhaps he can do so next year. Robbie "I am not" Mentle and Jeff "Smailz" Small squeaked out a +12, narrowly avoiding last place. And, this year's Golden Douches were awarded to Brett "Noodles" Bunsick and Brian "Obes" Oberman aka Gordita. Bunsick was the most disappointing player at the tournament in 2020, going from first in 2019 to worst in 2020. His wife would not sleep in the same room with him following the scramble as a result of his disappointing performance.

Of course, the tournament maintained its storied tradition of holding the closest to the pin and long drive events. Swilly nailed the long drive on No. 8 smoking one down the middle of the fairway. He did pass the post-event steroid monitoring urine test, despite rumors of juicing in the off-season. Vickar and Smailz were equidistant on the closest to the pin No. 6 par three. Vickar conceded the award to Smailz, figuring he should not cheat for both the overall title and the proximity competition.

All participants are looking forward to a less-socially distant 20th anniversary edition of the Memorial, and are already brainstorming locations out of town.

dh

 

1st Place (76)
Matt Berman
Aaron Vickar
Winner of Nino Memorial VIII (2007)
Height: 5'9
Weight: 175
Finishing move:
Stratisfaction
Height: 6'3
Weight: 190lbs
Finishing move:
Stone Cold Stunner

T-2nd Place (79)
Jaeson Becker
Scott Chelist
Eric Swillinger
Winner of Nino Memorials I, II, III, VIII (2000-2002, 2007)
Winner of Nino Memorial VI, VII (2005-2006)
Height: 5'10.5
Weight: 150lbs
Finishing move:
The people's elbow
Height: 6'3
Weight: ????
Finishing move:
The Worm
Height: 6'1
Weight: 215LBS
Finishing move:
Go-To-Sleep

T-2nd Place (79)
Jon Hoffman
Dane Kearns
Winner of Nino Memorial VI, VII (2005-2006)
Winner of Nino Memorial VI, VII (2005-2006)
Height: 5'8
Weight: 190lbs
Finishing move:
Leg Scissors
Height: 6'0
Weight: 190lbs
Finishing move:
Twisted Bliss

T-4th Place (80)
Dave Hoffman
Tim Spiegelglass
Winner of Nino Memorials IV, V, VIII, XIII (2003-2004, 2007, 2012)
Winner of Nino Memorial IX (2008)
Height: 6'
Weight: 160lbs
Finishing move:
The Diamond Cutter
Height: 5'10
Weight: 190lbs
Finishing move:
STFU

T-4th Place (80)
Phil Ruben
Bryan Sanger
Winner of Nino Memorials IV, V, VIII, XIII (2003-2004, 2007, 2012)
Height: 5'9
Weight: 195
Finishing move:
S.W.
Height: 6'4
Weight: 210lbs
Finishing move:
Abdominal Stretch

6th Place (82)
Jeff Small
Robbie Mentle
Winner of Nino Memorials XI, XII (2010-2011)
Height: 5'5
Weight: 175lbs
Finishing move:
The Leg Drop
Height: 5'11
Weight: 180lbs
Finishing move:
Oriental Spike

7th Place (83)
Brett Bunsick
Brian Oberman
Winner of Nino Memorials I, II, III, VIII (2000-2002, 2007)
Winner of Nino Memorials IV, V, VIII, XIII (2003-2004, 2007, 2012)
Height: 5'6
Weight: 150lbs
Finishing move: Stomach Claw
Height: 5'10
Weight: 210 lbs
Finishing move:
Dirty Deeds

 

 

NMXIX Collage

 

NMXIX - Maryland Heights, MO - August 29, 2020

 

The Nino Memorial has been a tradition in this league since 2000. This year's Nino Memorial will be held in Maryland Heights, MO at The Quarry at Crystal Springs Golf Course on Saturday, August 29, 2020 at 8:40 am. First tee-time is for 9:00 am. It will cost you an additional $10.00 per person to have your own kart.

For some background information on prior Nino Memorials, please click on this.

Stay tuned for more information about NMXIX


Fuzzy Zoeller Pool
Lee Trevino Pool
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Tom Spiegleglass
Brian Oberman
Aaron Vickar
Dane Kearns
Jon Hoffman
Bryan Sanger
Jeff Small
Eric Swillinger

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Phil Ruben
Brett Bunsick
Jaeson Becker
Andy Spector
Scott Chelist
Matt Berman
Robbie Mentle
Dave Hoffman

 

Link to NMI (Chesterfield, MO)
Link to NMII (University City, MO)
Link to NMIII (Las Vegas, NV)
Link to NMIV (Tunica, MS)
Link to NMV (Wentzville, MO)
Link to NMVI (Wright City, MO)
Link to NMVII (Wright City, MO)
Link to NMVIII (Lake Of The Ozarks, MO)
Link to NMIX (Kansas City, MO)

Link to NMX (Louisville, KY)
Link to NMXI (Nashville, TN)
Link to NMXII (Detroit, MI & Windsor, ON)
Link to NMXIII (Indianapolis, IN)
Link to NMXIV (Milwaukee, WI)

Link to NMXV (Louisville, KY)
Link to NMXVI (Alton, IL)
Link to NMXVII (Alton, IL)
Link to NMXVIII (Chesterfield, MO)
Link to NMXIX (Maryland Heights, MO)

Link to The Hall Of Tartan
Link to The Decaders
Link to Nino Memorial Home

 

The Nino Memorial
Founded on May 29, 2000

"Only The Best Wear Tartan"